A little More Empathy Than Most

Dear people, I am a highly sensitive person.

Though not clinically proven but after tons of articles read and some personality tests that I took over the net, it pretty sums up that I have a solid score to determine that I am a HSP. Which I pretty much  expect the result to be that way.

As a child, I would always wonder if humans are suppose to be different individually or share same characteristics. And I assumed people are supposed to have the same personality and freak myself out in the process because I am different from them. I’d almost convince that I am from different species of human. Reallyy…  these thoughts haunt me so much that in the end, I give up on such thoughts and resume on playing games. Years later, the thoughts come on knocking like an old friend and egg me on to search more on the meaning of life…the search more on the meaning of myself.

So basically, below are the traits of a HSP. If you know me personally, I do exhibit such traits. (perhaps not all). If you dont know me and next time see someone who behaves accordingly (as below) in the public…that person could be me. [*key point: COULD not IS]

As a kid, too much loud noises, brightly lit lights, people pulling/touching/holding my arm  triggered a lot of discomfort in me. Due to this, conservative and quiet and shy were synonyms in my report cards. And I tend to absorbs people’s complex feelings  like as if that’s my superpower. I can’t bear to get embarrassed or look at anyone getting embarrassed. Personally, second-hand embarrassment is tough on my soul. I just can’t. I’ll cry. And I do that a lot often, usually in secluded areas. I’ll over analyze insignificant things. EXAGGERATION. I don’t like it if people feel sorry for me or coax me when I’m down because I will feel obligated to BE fine (even reluctantly)  just so they could feel better about themselves that they have cheered someone up. In  layman’s term; people-pleasing. I get overwhelmed by the environment/situation easily.

And little did I know that these are one of the traits of HSP.  And the ‘best’ part, it’s an innate characteristic. You don’t develop this characteristic, you are born with them.

Growing in a family whereby harsh comments and ungodly remarks were frequently exchange , as a HSP, it was terrible for me. Even after 19 years of experience of being drowned in these negativity, I still can’t get used to it and yes, it hurts.  I learnt to nurse my own heart.     [Now…now… don’t you in a second think that my family crews are not amiable not caring and whatnot… They are in fact a great companion for me.. Just that they took the critics as a form of encouragement. Because it’s part of (mostly) Asian tradition to use criticism to egg us on to achieve better result..]      I wondered if my brothers were emotionally affected like I do… I just don’t understand how some people can ward these things off by simply laughing /shrugging those things off like my brothers…  It’s like as if they have some kind of invisible barrier around to protect them from these critics.   Do boys grow invinsible barrier around them during their puberty period? If they do,it makes sense to me.

I was upset when i look at the result of the HSP test that I took. Because in a lot of occasion, society perceive sensitiveness as a weakness. Like if you are the house agent trying to ‘shoo’ someone out from their house because they can’t pay the rental fees on time, you have to act tough and not show any sympathy and get your job done. Or if you are an intern and your boss scolded you due to a petty mistake you made, you are expected to absorb ’em all and not show any sign of emotion. Its like one is suppose to be unfeeling in life in order to look strong and capable ??? Right or right?  This is one of the many things that I have yet to understand. It frustrates me so much.

I personally think that HSP is not always bad. I get to connect with people at emotional level and feel the experience that they have went through and passed on the wisdom to them. In this ever so busy and challenging life, we all feel so drained and burn out at the end of the day. People are grumpy, sour, impolite, harsh, rude…etc.. and it sucks to have nobody understands your problem(s). I know.

Its great to have some one to understand every minute emotions/feels that come out from you. It makes things bearable.

I do hope that my friends feel as such about me though. I cant ask much from them. I don’t have a lot to offer.

I used to dislike being sensitive. I thought it made me weak. But take away that single trait, and you take away the very essence of who I am. You take away my conscience, my ability to empathize, my intuition, my creativity, my deep appreciation of the little  things, my vivid inner life, my keen awareness to others pain and my passion for it all.

After much understanding of this cluster of personality traits, I hope to better myself in ways that I am pleasant to be with around others. In Shaa Allah…

 

May Allah swt ease our affairs

In Sha Allah

Yan

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